1 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,930 Hey, that's great, Pop. 2 00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,932 That's Pops. 3 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,700 Okay, Pops. 4 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,370 Why don't you put that down and do some work around here. 5 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,772 That's what I'm doing. I'm polishing up this bugle. 6 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:39,109 Because when I'm done with it, it'll be worth at least $50. 7 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,410 Fifty dollars? Are you kidding? 8 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,479 I don't care how much polish you put on that, 9 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:43,880 it won't be worth more than $10. 10 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:48,351 The bugle may be only worth $10, but the handkerchief, 11 00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:51,188 used by Custer during the blowing of the retreat, 12 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,645 could be worth a fortune. 13 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,326 Custer was a general. 14 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,860 He didn't blow a bugle. 15 00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,129 I know. 16 00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,064 But when the bugler blew the retreat, 17 00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:03,233 Custer took out this very handkerchief. 18 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,502 You mean to tell me surrounded by Indians 19 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,692 he took out a handkerchief to blow his nose? 20 00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:12,942 No. He was trying to surrender. 21 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,801 He said, "Back off, Indians. Back off, you silly savages." 22 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:21,106 Oh, Lamont, Lamont! 23 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,392 Fred, Fred. 24 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,082 It's Sitting Bull. 25 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,963 Oh, Fred. 26 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,566 Where do you get off busting in my door, anyway? 27 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:40,370 I'm sorry, Fred, it's an emergency. 28 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,661 I need help. 29 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:44,941 Help, huh? 30 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:49,312 I'm just a junkman, not a plastic surgeon. 31 00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,814 Please, Fred, I need your truck. 32 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:56,675 I agree, son. You take the truck and run over Esther's face. 33 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:02,825 You are an evil heathen, 34 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:07,397 and one of these days, the Lord is gonna strike you down... 35 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:10,822 if he ever decides to get his hands dirty. 36 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,703 What's the matter, Aunt Esther? 37 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,238 Our truck broke down, Lamont, 38 00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:18,175 and today is the day we're supposed to pick up our son. 39 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,409 Oh, that's right. I forgot. 40 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,811 The adoption agency accepted you and Uncle Woody. 41 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,313 Hey, congratulations. 42 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,515 Aunt Esther, let me drive you over there in the truck 43 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,983 because, uh, you got that whiplash. 44 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,818 It'll be kind of painful for you to drive. 45 00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,353 Thank you, Lamont. 46 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,355 Why don't you sit down here and make yourself comfortable. 47 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,956 No, no, don't sit down on my couch. 48 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,420 I'll have to have it condemned. 49 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,364 Fred Sanford... That's Fred G. Sanford. 50 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:45,524 And the "G" is for "Glad You're Going. Goodbye." 51 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,838 Well, looking at you, 52 00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,830 I thought the "G" stood for "God Forbid." 53 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,044 Say, shouldn't we be leaving, Aunt Esther? 54 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,946 You're right, Lamont. Let's go. 55 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,881 Oh, say, listen, uh... 56 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,585 Esther, why don't you just run along with Lamont, 57 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,587 and I'll meet you back at the house later, okay? 58 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:04,921 I think he's right, Aunt Esther. 59 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,823 There's only room for three in the truck. 60 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,225 Is this it? 61 00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:10,860 I mean, y'all get to keep the child forever? 62 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,295 Well, maybe. 63 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,931 Uh, you see, he's gonna stay with us for about a year, 64 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,234 and if everything works out all right, 65 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,936 then the adoption agency will make a recommendation 66 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,170 to the court. 67 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:24,874 I know we'll like him. I just hope he likes us. 68 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,244 I know he gonna like you, Esther. 69 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,178 Why, thank you, Fred. 70 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,170 Children always love animals. 71 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:40,523 Fred Sanford, you are the lowest of the low 72 00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,626 and the meanest of the mean 73 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:45,262 and the baddest of the bad. 74 00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:48,620 And you are the ugliest of the ugly. 75 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,968 That did it. Get him, Woodrow. 76 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,025 Woodrow. Bang, bang! 77 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,306 We'd better leave, Aunt Esther, 78 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,341 if we want to pick up your son on time. 79 00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,676 My son. 80 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:03,079 Yes, I'm going to get my son. 81 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:07,450 Forgive me, Fred Sanford, if I made you angry. 82 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:12,756 I should be thankful that the Lord has smiled upon me today. 83 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:18,461 And in return, I should smile upon all his creatures. 84 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,585 Bye, creature. 85 00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:23,888 Bye, bat. 86 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,770 Oh, glory! 87 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,105 Oh, glory, he's coming, that's right. 88 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,596 Hallelujah! 89 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,100 You old heathen. 90 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,784 I'll see if we have it, okay? 91 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,151 Right over here somewhere. 92 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,287 Let me see. 93 00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:47,612 I know we have it here. 94 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,995 You know, Fred, I'm sure glad you came back with me, man, 95 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,854 because... Hey, look out! 96 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,768 Huh? 97 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,671 You know, I'm sure glad you came on back over here with me, 98 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,440 because, you know, I'm really, really nervous 99 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,608 about, you know, being a father, man. 100 00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:06,909 Well, I understand, Woody. 101 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,812 I learned the day after Lamont was born 102 00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,913 that it's much harder to be a father 103 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,615 than it is to become one. 104 00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,484 Yeah, I know, Fred, 105 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,220 but, you see, I'm really concerned about his past. 106 00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,823 You know, he was a juvenile delinquent, 107 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,691 and he just might still be. 108 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,326 Well, why did you adopt him? 109 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,495 Well, because he needed it the most. 110 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,431 You know, he's the last person in the world that anybody wants. 111 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:29,499 Not true. 112 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,533 What do you mean? 113 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,335 The last person anybody would want 114 00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,437 would be Esther. 115 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,339 Hello, Mr. Anderson. 116 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,407 Hi. 117 00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:39,609 Wait a minute. 118 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,846 Wait a minute! 119 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,382 Where... Where did she come from? 120 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,216 Oh, she started work here yesterday. 121 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,818 Is she up for adoption? 122 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,353 No, Fred! 123 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:51,821 Is she up for grabs? 124 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:52,822 Oh! 125 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:53,846 I'll ask her myself. 126 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,125 Look here, honey. 127 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:59,028 Excuse me, but you do some very nice work. 128 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,564 Oh, you like my display? 129 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:09,773 Yes, uh... very well stacked. 130 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:12,375 Why are you so interested in light bulbs? 131 00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,343 Uh, I'm from Watts. 132 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,334 Oh, right, yeah. 133 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:19,682 What? 134 00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,953 Fred. Listen, Fred. 135 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,456 Don't you know that you're twice her age? 136 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,391 Lucky her. 137 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,794 ♪ Double your pleasure ♪ 138 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,495 ♪ Double your fun ♪ 139 00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,431 ♪ I'm Freddy G. Sanford ♪ 140 00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:37,255 ♪ The "G" stands for "Gum" ♪♪ 141 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,540 Hey, here they are, Fred. 142 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:46,598 Here we are, Daniel. 143 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,278 This is your store, 144 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,415 and upstairs is your house. 145 00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:54,584 That's him, Fred. 146 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,741 Does he look tough to you? 147 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,256 Hard to tell. 148 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,359 Standing next to Esther... 149 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,384 King Kong would look like John Boy. 150 00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,234 So all of this is mine, huh? 151 00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,903 My store and my house? 152 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,371 That's right, my son. 153 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,561 Well, all right, then. 154 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,847 Don't stop him, Woody. Don't stop him. 155 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,037 He might take Esther. 156 00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,696 Woodrow. 157 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,865 You haven't spoke to your new son. 158 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,934 You ain't said nothing to him about the cash register, either. 159 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,836 Just say hello, Woody, 160 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,761 because he's already introduced himself to the cash register. 161 00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,911 Well, uh, hello, son. 162 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,379 Hello. 163 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,615 If you don't say something to him about that cash register, 164 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:02,485 I'm going to ring up a "no sale" knot on your head. 165 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,787 Can I talk to you both for a minute? 166 00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:05,955 Hey, Woody. Back off, there. 167 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,957 He wants to talk to me and Esther a minute. 168 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,515 Just a minute, mister. I want to talk to them. 169 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,766 Here's all the money back. 170 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:20,537 Why, thank you, son, but why did you take it in the first place? 171 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,672 Because I've been around long enough 172 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,541 and I've been in trouble too many times, 173 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,609 and I know a bad case when I see one. 174 00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:30,312 And that weirdo over there with the legs like parentheses 175 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,103 is up to no good. 176 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,656 What's so funny? 177 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,926 That weirdo is your new Uncle Fred. 178 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,527 That's Lamont's father. 179 00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:46,117 Hey, come here, Fred. 180 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:52,301 Hey, look, Daniel wasn't stealing our money. 181 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,872 He was trying to protect us... from you. 182 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,007 Why would he do that? 183 00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,643 Because he's been around criminals long enough 184 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,279 to know undesirables. 185 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,982 Well, he ought to feel right at home here. 186 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:09,518 Say, Daniel, say hello to Uncle Fred. 187 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,353 What's happening, Uncle Fred? 188 00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,778 "Uncle Fred" this. 189 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,216 Watch it, watch it, Fred. 190 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,536 Well, Daniel, this is it. 191 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,940 And someday, this will all be yours. 192 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,330 Thank you. 193 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,202 Oh! Can I have her now? 194 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,117 What, you mean Snookums? 195 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,251 Snookums?! 196 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,442 Doris Snookums. 197 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,023 Don't worry, Esther. 198 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,524 Now, just because I happen to think 199 00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:53,663 that she's cute and pretty and sweet and charming, 200 00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,065 that doesn't mean that I like her better than you 201 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,956 just because you're not. 202 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:05,675 I'll deal with you later. 203 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,244 Right now, let's all go up and get ready, 204 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,779 because I got a surprise for you. 205 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:10,980 Oh, I like surprises. 206 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:11,981 Good. 207 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,083 Some of the ladies from my church 208 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,317 is coming over tonight 209 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,419 to welcome Daniel to the community. 210 00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:20,189 I hate surprises. 211 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,493 Shut up, Woodrow. 212 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,661 Come on, darling. 213 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,565 Good evening, Mrs. Anderson. 214 00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:30,800 Good evening, good evening. 215 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,434 Hello there. Hello, Esther. 216 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:37,073 Oh... Ladies, meet our son, Daniel. 217 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,440 Hello, Daniel. 218 00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,676 Woodrow? 219 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,411 Aren't you gonna say hello to the ladies? 220 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,180 Hello, sisters. 221 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,748 Good evening, brother. How do you do? 222 00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:47,449 How are you, Woodrow? 223 00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:51,054 You're looking healthy for a man of your age. 224 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:55,624 Oh? And might I say the same for you. 225 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,193 Thank you. 226 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,428 As a matter of fact, I hope I look that well 227 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:00,952 when I'm 70. 228 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:06,169 I beg your pardon, but I'll have you to know 229 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:09,371 that I haven't seen my 50th birthday. 230 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:14,432 Oh, well, I did. I saw your 50th birthday. 231 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,104 And it was 20 years ago, if I recall. 232 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:24,821 Woodrow, if you don't shut your double-breasted lips, 233 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,889 you gonna look awful the rest of your life. 234 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,424 Sister Esther? 235 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,658 Yes? 236 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,061 We have a little presentation we would like to make. 237 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,996 Yes, Sister Simpson? 238 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,932 "To Daniel..." 239 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,000 Will it be Anderson? 240 00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,103 Well, uh, it takes about a year 241 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,471 before the adoption becomes final, 242 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:46,008 but if he decides to stay, then it'll be 243 00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,077 Daniel Anderson forever. 244 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,613 Well, suppose you don't want me at the end of the year? 245 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,482 Oh, son, that's out of the question. 246 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,351 I want you now. 247 00:12:55,375 --> 00:13:02,258 And a year from now, I'll want you 365 times more. 248 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,093 Just give it to him like it is, sister. 249 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,527 Give him what, Sister Cooper? 250 00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:06,829 This Bible. 251 00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:09,832 See, it has his name inscribed on it. 252 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:12,034 "Daniel Anderson." 253 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,435 Son... 254 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,638 bring it to church with you every Sunday when you come. 255 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,574 Isn't that wonderful, darling? 256 00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,743 Yeah, it's a real nice present. 257 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,044 And I'll keep it to read. 258 00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:23,746 But I won't be coming to church. 259 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,865 You see, I don't believe in God. 260 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:36,425 I'm coming, Elizabeth! It's the big one. 261 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,615 Oh, glory! 262 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,230 Well, you want to buy it? 263 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,464 There's a rag in it. 264 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,333 Uh, no, no, that's not a rag. 265 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,567 That's General Custer's handkerchief. 266 00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:46,803 You're kidding. 267 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,570 And there's initials on it. There are? 268 00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,439 Yeah. "F.S." 269 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:51,740 "Fred Sanford." 270 00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,743 Uh, no, no, that's "First Sergeant Custer." 271 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,613 See, he got this handkerchief before he became a general. 272 00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:58,948 How much? 273 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:03,085 Uh, $50 for the bugle and the invaluable handkerchief. 274 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,486 How much for just the bugle? 275 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,722 Uh, $49.95. 276 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:09,192 Oh, man! That's ridiculous. 277 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,492 Look here. Right, right, right. 278 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,296 I see that you love bugles. $35. 279 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,530 Goodbye. 280 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,465 All right, all right, I'll level with you. 281 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,034 This wasn't blown by Custer. 282 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,537 It was blown by a Private Brown during the invasion of Normandy. 283 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,127 Twenty dollars. 284 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,008 Okay, okay, wait a minute. 285 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,243 I'll tell you the truth. 286 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,678 Well, it was used by a Boy Scout 287 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,780 to bang on the drum in the parade last Thursday. 288 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,316 Fifteen dollars. 289 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,550 Oh, forget it, man. 290 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,784 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 291 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,987 I found it. 292 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,222 Five dollars! 293 00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,290 You cheap turkey. 294 00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,525 What's happening, Fred? 295 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,350 It's Uncle Fred. 296 00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,430 Uncle Fred. 297 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,132 Uncle Fred Sanford. 298 00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:53,302 You can drop the "Uncle," you can drop the "Fred," 299 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,603 you can drop the "Sanford," 300 00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,138 and you can drop out of sight. 301 00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:58,507 You too, huh? 302 00:14:58,531 --> 00:14:59,508 Me too, what? 303 00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:00,943 Don't want me around. 304 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:04,168 You can stay, but just let me frisk you before you leave here. 305 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,850 Hey, Daniel. What's happening, buddy? 306 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,252 Not too good, Lamont. 307 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,287 What's the matter? Everything, man. 308 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,722 I was wondering if you could drive me back to the home. 309 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,258 Why? 310 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,993 Because they don't want me. 311 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,527 Who don't want you? 312 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,029 Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. 313 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,630 Oh, come on, now, Daniel. 314 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,366 Whatever gave you that idea, man? 315 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,190 She said, "Get out of my house, heathen!" 316 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,228 That would do it. 317 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,510 Look, why don't you sit down for a minute, Daniel? 318 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,578 I'd just as soon get back to the home. 319 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,647 He'd just as soon get back to the home, Lamont. 320 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,816 I don't want to sit around here watching him steal. 321 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,351 I didn't steal that stuff. 322 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,921 I gave it back anyway. 323 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,022 Hmm. 324 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,456 All I did was borrow it. 325 00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,026 Say, what did you borrow? 326 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,627 Some musical instruments. 327 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,562 Hey, man, I can't afford to buy it, 328 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,164 so I broke into this music store 329 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,266 and took some instruments and some lesson books. 330 00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,136 And I got caught when I broke in to return them. 331 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,071 Man, I was only 10 years old. 332 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,672 Hey, listen, Daniel, that's all over with, man. 333 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,074 That's all behind you. That's the past. 334 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,775 I want to know why Aunt Esther 335 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,044 asked you to leave the house. 336 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,379 I said I didn't believe in God. That's all. 337 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,103 That's all? 338 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,616 Telling Esther there's no God 339 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,443 is like telling Jimmy Carter there's no more toothpaste. 340 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:30,166 Hey, Pop, would you excuse Daniel and myself for a minute? 341 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,400 For what? 342 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,401 Well, a little conversation. 343 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,635 You know, man to man. 344 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:34,971 Man to man? 345 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,595 Who do I look like, Doris Day? 346 00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:42,878 Okay, young man to younger man. 347 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:46,648 I may be 68 years old, but I can still float like a butterfly 348 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,250 and sting like a bee. 349 00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:51,876 You got anything to say, you can say it in front of me. 350 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,823 All right, how about son to son? 351 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,725 Make that dummy to dummy and I'll leave. 352 00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,127 Okay, you got it. 353 00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:01,130 All right, I'll go into the kitchen... 354 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,131 dummies. 355 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,332 Thank you. 356 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,356 Sit down, man. 357 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,603 Now, this is what I want you to do. See... 358 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,812 Who could that be? 359 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:24,813 It's Aunt Esther. 360 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:25,814 What does she want? 361 00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,015 I asked her to come over. 362 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,016 Why? 363 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,251 The exterminator don't get here 364 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,674 till next Wednesday. 365 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,491 Oh, come on in, Aunt Esther, Uncle Woody. 366 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,794 What is it you want to tell me about that heathen child 367 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,396 I don't already know? 368 00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,798 Who not only doesn't believe in God, 369 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,666 but he's also a thief. 370 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,935 Just goes to show you what happens to people 371 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,204 who don't believe in God. 372 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:51,707 Let him among us who is without sin 373 00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,798 cast the first brick at Esther's face. 374 00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,415 Watch it, sucker. 375 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,217 Aunt Esther, let me ask you a question. 376 00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,851 Um, what difference does it make 377 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,187 whether or not Daniel believes in God? 378 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:06,888 What difference does it make? 379 00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,457 The difference is that up until now 380 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,327 Daniel's never had a reason to believe in anything. 381 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,995 But that's all behind him now. 382 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,396 And he's got you and Uncle Woody, 383 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:15,464 and with your influence 384 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,932 he'll probably believe in God. 385 00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,735 I think he needs you and Uncle Woody, Aunt Esther. 386 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,936 But he's a thief, Lamont. 387 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,240 No, he's not. 388 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,474 Excuse me. Am I next? 389 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,475 For what? 390 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,709 To buy something. 391 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,478 Well, you can see right by the... 392 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,347 the crowd here that we're very busy. 393 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,649 And you can see the customers milling around. 394 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,286 Um, less standing and more milling. 395 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:40,256 I'm looking for some junk I can use in a bicentennial pageant 396 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,758 that an Indian Guide group of mine is putting on. 397 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,160 For example, uh... 398 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,295 Oh, an old fife and drum or a bugle... 399 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,396 A bugle? 400 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,397 Did you say a bugle? 401 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,698 Of course you said a bugle! 402 00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,099 You wouldn't lie to me, would you? 403 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,901 Here's a bugle. I just happen to have one. 404 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,171 It was the original bugle... It's $10. 405 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,205 Will it play? 406 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,439 Not by itself. 407 00:19:57,463 --> 00:20:00,142 See, if you just take it home and try it, 408 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,410 and then if it don't work, 409 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,679 then that's because you might need lessons. 410 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,247 Oh. No, never mind. Thank you. 411 00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,482 Just a second. 412 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,884 Let me see that for a minute, huh? 413 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,153 Better keep your eye on him, Fred. 414 00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,443 Yeah. 415 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,468 How much did you say that was? 416 00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:27,969 Uh, $15. 417 00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:29,405 I thought you said 10. 418 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,989 That was without the floor show. 419 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,142 Okay, I'll take it. Thank you. 420 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,744 Not bad, Daniel. 421 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,613 Not bad. Not bad? 422 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,847 Darn good. 423 00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,316 And he taught himself. 424 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,651 That's why he was arrested for borrowing them music books. 425 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,052 But you can't forgive that. 426 00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,255 Not you. You hold that against him. 427 00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:49,491 Anyone else would be proud to have a son like that, 428 00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:51,126 but not you. 429 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,994 Look up in that Bible of yours, Esther, 430 00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:55,331 and see if there's anything in there about forgiving. 431 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:58,334 Forgiving. You should be ashamed of yourself, Woody. 432 00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:01,303 Hey, Lamont, take him back to the home. 433 00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:02,304 Home? 434 00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:04,039 He's not going to any home. 435 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,942 Except for the home of his mother and father. 436 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,577 Right, Father? 437 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,501 Right, Mother. 438 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,251 Right, son? 439 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,018 Right, Dad. 440 00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,309 Dad! 441 00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,646 Hot damn! 442 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,760 Woodrow! 443 00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,997 Like father, like son. 444 00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,021 Come on, let's go home. 445 00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:36,538 Son. 446 00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:38,574 Yeah, Pop? 447 00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:39,708 Let me ask you something. 448 00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:40,709 Mm-hm? 449 00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,178 How come you never call me "Dad"? 450 00:21:43,202 --> 00:21:44,813 Oh, I don't know. 451 00:21:44,837 --> 00:21:47,516 I suppose it's because you're more of a "pop" than a "dad." 452 00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:48,751 Really? 453 00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,741 Well, "pop" this. 454 00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:54,679 You know, you're really something... Dad. 455 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:01,530 Thank... Thanks... son. 456 00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:04,600 There's some salad for you in the kitchen. 457 00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:05,756 Oh, in the kitchen? 458 00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:41,036 I know. 459 00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:42,638 It's the original bugle used by Patton 460 00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:44,072 to wake up his troops, right? 461 00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,708 No, dummy, this is a real trumpet, 462 00:22:45,732 --> 00:22:47,476 with real valves and everything. 463 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,545 Got to be worth at least $50. 464 00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:50,979 How do you know that? 465 00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:53,215 Because that's what I paid for it. 466 00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:54,616 Fif... You paid... 467 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,585 Fifty dollars you paid for that? 468 00:22:56,609 --> 00:22:58,920 Pop, what are we gonna do with a $50 trumpet? 469 00:22:58,944 --> 00:23:01,857 Anybody that would be in the market to buy a $50 trumpet 470 00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,425 wouldn't come to a junkyard. 471 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,127 Come in, Daniel. 472 00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:07,763 What's happening, Lamont? 473 00:23:07,787 --> 00:23:09,231 You wanted to see me, Uncle Fred? 474 00:23:09,255 --> 00:23:10,999 Wow, that's a bad trumpet! 475 00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:12,601 That's what I wanted to see you about. 476 00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:13,836 You like it? 477 00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:15,270 Hey, it's out of sight. 478 00:23:15,294 --> 00:23:16,572 It's yours. 479 00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:18,374 Oh, man, I can't take this. 480 00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:20,476 This must have cost 50 or 60 bucks. 481 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,310 That old trumpet? No. 482 00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:24,513 I picked it up real cheap, didn't I, Lamont? 483 00:23:24,537 --> 00:23:27,983 Oh, yeah. He just polished it up to make it look good. 484 00:23:28,007 --> 00:23:29,785 Hey, man, how can I thank you? 485 00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:31,553 Do you know "Sugar Blues"? 486 00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:36,224 Do you know that number? 487 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:38,560 No, but I promise I'll learn it for you. 488 00:23:38,584 --> 00:23:41,129 Oh, hey. Listen, there's a mute that goes with it. 489 00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,398 Don't forget the mute. 490 00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:43,999 Oh. Hey, thanks. 491 00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:46,702 But it doesn't fit. 492 00:23:46,726 --> 00:23:49,337 Well, don't worry. We won't let it go to waste. 493 00:23:49,361 --> 00:23:51,039 What do you mean? 494 00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:53,409 Uh, you can stick it in your mother's mouth. 495 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,144 Oh, I'm sorry, Daniel. 496 00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:57,379 Don't spoil it. 497 00:23:57,403 --> 00:23:59,515 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Daniel. 498 00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:01,517 I mean, you have a wonderful mother. 499 00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:05,387 So try sticking it in your father's ear.